I think one of the most difficult–but absolutely crucial–skills any aspiring writer needs to master is the art of writing query letters. Hey, I hear you groaning, but seriously, if I can do this–so can you! And trust me, the difference between a whole lot of form rejections on a query letter and getting requests for more material lies in how compelling you can make your project sound. There are tons of websites out there these days with advice on how to write query letters, but what I’m going to include here is what worked for me. Take from that what you will. I’m not saying these are the best query letters in the world–as if!–but hopefully looking at these will give you some ideas on how to draft your own.
Admittedly, my query letters are on the long side compared to what some people recommend–but they have all generated a high return of requests for material, so I don’t think that ever worked against me. I tried to keep them as snappy and compelling as possible, making the plot blurbs sound like those on the jackets or back cover of the books I’ve read. I also try to personalize my query letters for each agent. That means that if I am a regular reader of the agent’s blog, or have read every single book one of their clients has written, I mention it. Just stating that you read on Agent Query that they are looking for urban fantasy (for instance) does not really constitute personalization, in my humble opinion. Try and find that extra little something that will indicate to the agent you truly have researched them, and why you feel that your book is a good fit for them. But, on the flip side, do NOT try to kiss up or lie or exaggerate, either. Because that will only work against you.
The following query letters are ones I’ve had some success with. I’ve included the most recent, most successful query letter first–the one that garnered me two agent offers as well as a lot of partial and full requests. The last one is the query letter for the manuscript which is second-dearest to my heart, and the one I think is the next most publishable, but is also the one I queried the least widely since it was my first time out. The middle query letter is for a manuscript I’m very proud of, but feel needs some work before I could send it to my agent or any editors. That said, I think the query letters themselves are all pretty solid, and got high percentages of requests when I sent them out.
Please note that each query letter was addressed to the proper agent and included the correct spelling of the agent’s name, as well as the proper form of address: i.e. Mr. or Ms. Additionally, I typically personalize the last paragraph to whatever agent I’m submitting to, so keep that in mind if you use any of these as a template for drafting your own query letters.
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Red Hot Fury - the Query that Scored Me an Awesome Agent, 2 agent offers, and a ton of partial and full requests
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Dear <Agent Name>:
In Red Hot Fury, waterproof leather is more than just a fashion statement. For Furies who shed as much blood as they spill, it’s a necessity.
When the body of a missing Fury washes up in Boston Harbor, it’s Chief Magical Investigator Marissa Holloway’s job to figure out what killed her. But the more Riss investigates, the more she becomes convinced that the corpse resembling her sister Fury is NOT the real thing. Someone has altered it using Sidhe magic. Only one problem: the Sidhe are supposed to be extinct.
Revealing this shocker gets Riss suspended without pay–and almost dead. After her attempted assassin takes a 10-story swan dive to avoid capture, Riss realizes she’s facing more than the average psycho. She swallows her pride to reconcile with ex-lover Scott Murphy, the mercenary who broke her heart and the only arcane being she can trust to watch her back. As the two dodge hired hit Harpies, kamikaze Phoenixes, and elevator ambushes, they discover a band of renegade mortals has been breeding–and cloning–the surviving Sidhe in captivity, seeking to unlock their immortality. If this knowledge becomes public, it will inspire a mortal versus arcane war the likes of which the world has never seen.
Now it’s up to Riss to free the captive Sidhe without causing Armageddon–or winding up a corpse herself.
Red Hot Fury is a standalone 80,000-word urban fantasy with strong romantic elements, although sequels could be developed if desired. It should appeal to fans of Kim Harrison, Patricia Briggs, and Jeaniene Frost, although nary a werewolf or vampire stalks its pages. I’ve seen you mention online that vampires especially have reached a saturation point in paranormal romance and urban fantasy, and agree; one reason my supernatural creatures tend to have pulses and no allergies to stakes, sunlight, or silver. Please let me know if you’re interested in seeing more. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Me!
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Phoenix in Flames, formerly titled Reborn in Fire - this one also scored me several full requests and a bunch of partial requests (and yes, part of the first sentence of this one made its way into my query for Red Hot Fury)
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Dear <Agent Name>:
In Phoenix in Flames, my 85,000-word urban fantasy, mythical creatures walk among us, but none are allergic to sunlight, stakes, or silver.
Cassidy Grant just died for the first time.
Reborn in the ashes of her own death, Cass becomes a human phoenix. She wakes up in the midst of flame after being murdered: naked, disoriented, and completely unharmed. A stranger rescues Cass before her murderers can return. His touch ignites her as surely as fire’s caress, but he forces her to face facts she would rather deny. She is no longer quite human, and a group of fanatics will stop at nothing to kill her a second time. Permanently.
Jake, the man who rescues her, possesses the same affinity with earth that she does with fire. And though as indestructible as the dragons his kind are named for, he is vulnerable to the magic drawing him to Cass. A magic that will drive him crazy–literally–if he can’t make her his. Now his sanity depends upon convincing the woman he rescued that she should bind herself to him for the rest of their not-so-natural lives.
Skeptical Cass must learn to harness her newfound abilities and trust that Jake’s feelings for her won’t flash and fade away. The only alternatives are madness–or being used as a pawn by her murderers to destroy all she cares for. Including Jake.
I have attached a synopsis as well as the first three chapters. While this manuscript stands alone, it could easily become the first book in a series. Please let me know if you are interested in seeing more. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Me!
Where Angels Fear to Tread - Got quite a few partial and a couple full requests with this one - I did not query this as widely as I could have
One feisty, half-trained psychic and one fallen angel with the devil’s own charm stand between the mortal world and the forces of evil. Better start praying.
Storm O’Malley’s psychic gifts have spun out of control. Years of abuse at the hands of her grandmother forge her into the metaphysical equivalent of a hurricane–gale-force destructive power subject to the whims of no mortal being. Or immortal, for that matter. The supernatural beings known as Pathlighters are ready to write her off as a lost cause after she nearly kills one of their own. Deciding to give her one last chance, they compel their most unorthodox member to take over her training. There’s just one small catch: Damien’s no ordinary angel.
Also known as the Fallen, the first Pathlighter in a century to betray the Host by aiding a demonic member of the Diablerie, Damien claims he’s seeking redemption and needs her just as much as she needs him. Storm must join forces with this sinfully sexy angel if she wants to control her volatile powers and stop a vicious murderer. But as the two dodge killer demons, a sinister cult, and the half-succubus siren who inspired Damien’s fall from grace, they just might decide the forbidden attraction raging between them is worth giving up life–and heaven–to taste.
Where Angels Fear to Tread is a 98,000-word urban fantasy novel containing elements of romance and suspense that should appeal to fans of Rachel Caine, Laurell K. Hamilton, and Kim Harrison. It is a standalone novel but sequels could be developed if desired. I am including the manuscript’s first few pages with this email for your convenience.
This is my third completed novel and could be marketed as paranormal romance as easily as urban fantasy. I am an avid reader of your livejournal, as well as the journals of a few of your clients. I believe Storm is the type of strong yet flawed heroine that you prefer to read about, and would welcome the chance to work with you and your agency. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Me!